Sending My Daughter to Sleep-Away Camp

by Jenny, Colorado Mom

I feel somewhat inadequate, feeling that I need to be even braver, particularly in light of the recent posts from Feather reminding us that despite all of the teaching of body rules to our kids, ultimately adults are responsible for keeping their kids off limits by having the conversations with those adults. I have been realizing that much of my work has been focused on educating other parents, and talking with and listening to my kids (and censoring the wrong messages; it's so tempting to say: "be a good boy", "if you don't do this for me you'll hurt my feelings" That last one is a toughie for me, but that's a subject for another time.)

But here's an example where I have talked to another adult to make sure they're on our team:

Two summers ago, I was interested in sending my daughter was to a week-long sleep away camp for the first time. Prior to registering her for the camp, I contacted the camp director by email with a list of questions. Two of those questions were about program activities that were described in the brochure, but I added a third question to the list:

"Please tell me about the special training that camp staff, guides and leaders receive in body-safety rules to maintain sexual safety at the camp."

Simple as that. The director responded with their background check policies, staff training, and a confident response that staff is accountable for the safety of the children.

That provided an opening for me to be more explicit:

"I'm glad you have a training program. Let me clarify my concerns. We teach and practice safety rules at home so that our kids are empowered to protect themselves as well. In particular, they know that they are the boss of their own bodies, no one gets to touch or see any part of themselves if they don't want, secrets are not safe, privacy is always allowed, and if they know that a safety rule is being broken they have to tell. I also want any caregiver to understand that we will believe our children if they tell us that a body safety rule has been broken. Is your Child Abuse Prevention training consistent with ours?"

To which she responded with more detail and a confirmation that we shared the same rules. And I welcomed her to my team.

I couldn't have done this without the support that Feather gives in her seminars, newsletters, and social media. Feather makes the language simple and clear and encourages us to use it verbatim if that makes it easier. And it does! I'm not reinventing the wheel here, and that is okay.

As many of the other guest bloggers have said, each time we have this conversation it gets easier. It's true!

How is Your Child's School Reducing the Risk of Child Sexual Abuse?

Talking with the Director

Just as you would talk with the director about curriculum, teachers, meals, and play safety, it's also important to ask about policies and practices that will help to keep your kids safe from sexual abuse. There have been far too many cases of sexual abuse in schools, to let this topic, however uncomfortable, be overlooked.

Ask the director about background checks for teachers, staff and even volunteers. Most sex offenders, however, are never actually caught so they don’t end up on the National Sex Offender Registry. This means it’s also important to ask about reference checking and interviewing. Ideally, the director includes interview questions about the appropriate and inappropriate touch of children.

Also ask about a range of policies:
1)    Adults spending alone time with children
2)    Appropriate and inappropriate touch of children by adults
3)    Appropriate and inappropriate touch of children by other children
4)    Diapering, toileting, and changing clothes

Policies, however, aren’t enough, so you might ask how practices are monitored. As you are talking with the director, look for open and forthcoming communication.

 

Touring the School

As you walk through the school, look at the physical layout and make sure there are no spaces where an adult could be alone with a child. All of the spaces where children study, play, and interact should be open and easily visible. Doors should have windows and bathrooms should not contain areas where children can be isolated. In preschool environments, pay close attention to diaper changing areas.

Meeting the Teacher

If you don’t have a chance to meet your child’s teacher before the first day of school, it's never too late to have a conversation with him or her about your child’s body-safety rules. For example:

“I wanted to tell you that we have been teaching our son, Jamie, some body-safety rules. Perhaps you have heard him exclaim that he is the boss of his body! I also wanted to let you know that our son does not keep secrets. While we will encourage him to follow your safety rules, we have also told him that that if anyone asks him to do something that breaks one of his body-safety rules, he has permission to say ‘No’ and tell us right away.”

 

Training for Teachers, Staff, Parents & Children

The strongest child abuse prevention programs include regular education. At a minimum, look for annual staff training that covers myths and facts about sexual abuse, school policies, appropriate and inappropriate touch of children, and the warning signs that someone is abusing or being abused.

(This article by Feather Berkower originally appeared in Dr. Greene. Dr. Greene uses information technology to make pediatric wisdom more accessible.)

How to Prevent Child Sexual Abuse - Infographic

April is Child Abuse Prevention month, and this How to Prevent Child Sexual Abuse infographic from Parenting Safe Children shows you how to keep your children safe from sexual abuse. It debunks common myths, offers “must teach” body-safety rules, and gives you specific questions for screening caregivers. Do your child a favor and check it out!





 

How to Prevent Child Sexual Abuse by www.parentingsafechildren.com